Hippie and Christian, Christian and Sufi.

Love is the Reality,             

                     Poetry the Drum

  Calling Us to It.  -Rumi

On these pages I share my unique perspective which is shaped by childhood isolation and physical abuse, high scholastic aptitude with college courses in a variety of areas, and, of course, schizophrenic thought deviance. Today, my parents and I enjoy an improving relationship after my taking back a childhood promise never to forgive them, and our working through the removal of the childhood curse with a blessing to replace it. My schizophrenia is in remission through medication and I am in college at the University of Missouri-Columbia three quarters time pursuing a degree in math.  Energy that was tied up in the past is now available to use in schooling.

We’ve come again to that knee of seacoast
no ocean can reach.

Tie together all human intellects.
They won’t stretch to here.

- Rumi

This site reveals concretely how I think.  I am putting it out there and hoping that you will relate with something in here. Nothing is real until realized in some relationship.  "Free will and determination are just ideas, what's real is presence." - Rumi

Schizophrenia shattered my mind, just at the right time.  I had dissassociation because of the physical abuse in childhood, and it wasn't until that got out of control as part of schizophrenia that I could start to move towards people, after acknowledging the reality of a personal God whose help I needed. It was hard for me to pray for help because of the image of God I'd recieved growing up.  In the ten years since, I have come to know a very different experience of God.  He has helped to heal me and helped me feel forgiveness for the past hurts. I believe that an infinite resoviour of divine love was poured out upon the earth through the cross.

If I believe in the cross, I also believe that God did not design the earth and universe to trick us and test our faith against a 6000 year history.  The evidence of an old universe, and a younger but older earth, is convincing to me.  Intelligent design has guided evolution from mineral to plant, animal to man. History is deep. Religion is formed of the history of humans coming to know God.  Every angle on God is worth taking, in a spirit of exploration.  Every tradition is yours.

My brain broke up and here you will find my subjective poetic experience inter-relating sometimes contradictory big picture perspectives, without apology, sometimes without resolution.