Abilify - to give abilities to.

Bristol Meyers Squib.

Medicine: on and off...

As with many individuals who have a psychotic disorder, I have been on and off my medication several times since diagnosis.

The first reason for non-compliance is a lack of understanding what is going on. My paranoia kept me alert to an unreal danger, which I percieved as threatening my ultimate existance. Anything which might lessen the fear may cause me to go to sleep to something which will destroy me. Early on, I was caught in fear, and the idea was that something which relieved fear would put me to sleep, cause me to be unaware of great danger.  I fought this sleep. Those around me said I was demon oppressed, and prayed for me.  "God doesn't always relieve us quickly," I was told, as the torment continued. Medicine decreases fear, and caused me to fear losing the fear, and what it brought with it, awareness of what I believed was really going on. [See my history.]

Other symptoms that the medicine reduced were telepathic and psychosomatic feelings of connection with others. These experiences often lead to delusions of reference, the idea that things are especially relevant to oneself. The experience also confuses the mind, and is not usually justified by real relationship with someone. By taking the medicine, these concrete feelings of connection decrease, and a fear of isolation increased. Only by experience have I learned that what I am afraid of is often unreal, and that real feelings can emerge in the heart when mental confusion is lessened by medication.

Finally, the side effects of many medications are difficult to deal with. The effects range from flattening mood to weight gain.

The last time I went off my medicine, and for the last time, was 2001. [history]

Positive results!

I began taking Abilify during a clinical trial before it became available to the public. The transition onto it was hard, because of the quick switch required by the study protocol. I have taken Abilify ever since, and am stable on 20 mg per day.

My experience is that Abilify helps tremendously with the so-called negative symptoms of schizophrenia, the lack of interest in life and use of few words. Also, I would say, in my own experience, the medicine has allowed residual positive symptoms, which helps my personality and mood, while not being overwhelming. These are decreasing as I connect with more people, and what's left is mostly simple loose-associations, seeing connections where others don't, which is part of my unique perspective.

Since beginning the use of Abilify I have recovered from post-psychotic depression following my episode in 2001, and have now returned to college successfully for over a year.

conclusion...

When faced with serious mental illness, medicine is an important part of the fight to regain sanity. Some talk therapists won't work with a psychotic unless they are medically compliant with thier regime. Please be sensitive that refusing medication is due to a need to learn more about the reality of the illness, and sometimes that is achieved through relapse. Finding the right medication is also important. Abilify is not right for everyone. Some are overwhelmed and may become worse on Abilify. A doctor's advice is essential in helping a person with serious mental illness.