Nothing's real

Until realized

In relationship.

As I was developing schizophrenia, a religious studies instructor told my class that one cannot be a spiritual being in isolation from other human beings. At that time, I had a strong inclination to argue against that point, though I remained silent in the class.

Among the three areas of my life that have shaped me most, my childhood isolation and conditions are listed. I disassociated in order to deal with the pain in my childhood, and schizophrenia is a disassociative disease.An anxious-avoidant attachment style caused me to only choose to move further, emotionally, from those around me, especially my significant other. It wasn't until the disassociation took on a life of its own in schizophrenia that I could begin to work my way towards people.

At the point I hit bottom, fleeing Columbia, pursued by no-one, believing in witchcraft. After changing the destination of my bus ticket from Bismark, ND to Chatanooga, TN, I acknowledged that I needed divine aid in the Person of Jesus Christ to help me survive. I prayed a sinners prayer, aloud, on a Greyhound. [Here's my story as a testimony in church.]

What marked this as a turning point in my spiritual life is that I experienced consciously for the first time the presence of a living God, not just a dead legalistc dogma about him. My mind was shattered, and my broken heart needed mending. This encounter with the Spirit of Christ has blossomed into a relationship, in which I am the Beloved's and He is mine, and his banner over us is love. It is this relationship that has allowed me to overcome existential fear and approach humanity more from the pliable feeling heart than a controlling head.

Many of the experiences of schizophrenia are mystical and existential in their importance. However, the hallmark of a true mystical experience, of a pure heart, is the relationship they are within.

There importance in the relationship between the one who learns and the one who has learned. A pastor or teacher can keep one from the snares of delusion. Ultimately the evidence is in daily life.